pizza reviews moving to a new home!

I will now be posting my pizza reviews in their very own blog, http://pizzawithap.blogspot.com

Go there for pizza-related madness.

mystery pizza and ikea pizza. INDEED!

There have been two pizza encounters since I last met with you, my dears.

I've been holding off on reviewing one, however, because there was a small failing on my part.

You see...last Friday, I certainly ate pizza. In fact, I ate a LOT of pizza. And it was truly delicious pizza, with many interesting toppings...but...but...

I don't remember where the pizza came from or what was on it. I was hanging out with a bunch of friends and we were stoned as hell watching Jennifer's Body and hating and loving Diablo Cody at the same time and drinking lots of dark rum with ginger beer and so...aside from knowing that when Megan Fox's character dies, her last words are "My tit!" I don't remember many details from the night. But, the pizza was delicious. I think...


Anyhow. Today (also a Friday. Maybe I should strive to eat pizza EVERY SINGLE FRIDAY from here on out) , work was pretty dull, so Matt and I headed to IKEA, with vague purposes in mind. We kind of wanted Choklad, kinda wanted a lamp, kinda just wanted to kill time. And lo and behold, Ikea sells pizza. We all know that no pizza shall be denied, so I lunched on a cheese slice with a pop for only 2.50. I love you, Ikea.

How was it you ask? Uh...awful. Duh. It had been sitting for awhile, it was very greasy, the sauce was dark and sweet, the cheese congealed (but it had a nice blend of spices strewn on top, surprisingly...) and the crust thick, yet cardboard-like. But, it was cheap, and I ate it, and I'm happy about it. Plus, now I have a sack of singoalla cookies, choklads, and tunnbroet. So there.

pizza isn't a difficult word to say.

Perhaps this is a recent phenomenon, but since announcing my new years goal, several people have said "za" to me.

People, this really shouldn't be a thing. I'm fairly tolerant (and often guilty) of bro-speak. But this is just a bit too much.

On acceptance of feeling awful

No pizza here today. Let's face it, I have to take a break, otherwise I'll lose my figure (or something.)


I'm thinking a lot about how I've felt physically since Jack and I had the "big talk." The truth is, mentally, it comes in waves. We'd been in a long distance relationship for 3.5 years, so my daily life hasn't changed all that much. I have my moments where I'll "remember" all of the sudden, and I'll get pretty down, but then rebound. Mentally, I think I've been doing remarkably okay.

Physically? It's a different story, maybe. Perhaps I'm more stressed by this than I realize. I've been absolutely exhausted these past two weeks. I can't wind down at night, I wake up nightly at 3 or 4am, and then, come morning, rain or shine, I can't drag myself out of bed before 8am. It's really frustrating. I've also had back pain and leg cramps multiple times in the past 2 weeks. I feel like my body is manifesting something that I'm not consciously processing. I'd just like to be less tired here soon.

I've been trying to remedy it by drinking lots of water, going to the gym, stretching and doing yoga, etc, etc. Hopefully, something will start to help soon. Anyone have any other tips on physically de-stressing and sleeping better?

the week ends, and I keep going.

It's been quite the weekend. I've done far more than normal this weekend, in this sort of mad effort to keep busy, to keep happy, to keep distracted. It's working, somewhat. I've had some great times with great people. I'm very fortunate to have such wonderful friends.

Since my marathon update on Friday morning, I've eaten pizza twice. Both times on Friday. The first pizza was the aforementioned Lean Cuisine, and then the second pizza experience was super-bonus surprise pizza awesomeness.


Let's start with the Lean Cuisine, since I've left you all waiting on this one.

So, let's first address the elephant in the room. It's a Lean Cuisine pizza. It's a small, diet-friendly, frozen pizza in a box that origamis itself into a "crisping tray." It's there for you in 3 minutes flat, and at only 300 calories.

Guess what?

It was pretty good! In fact, I'd even say it was better than the pizza I ate at Franklin's last weekend. Why? Well, for starters, even the Lean Cuisine managed to present itself as having a crust touched by human hands at some point in it's little, frozen life by not being perfectly round. An illusion, no doubt, but worth noting. It looked more homemade.

The cheese managed to taste like cheese, rather than gummy plastic, and it had some relatively "fresh" looking tomatoes on top. The crisping tray really didn't do much for the pizza's crispiness, however, and the crust, despite looking like a real, hand-tossed crust, had the flavor of a soggy saltine cracker. But, hey. I like saltines!

It was, by all measures, a satisfying lunch pizza, and though it was far from perfect, I would probably eat it again.


Now, onto the more fun pizza review.

So, this being a long weekend, my original plans involved Jack coming to visit and us having a good time together and perhaps trying a pizza place out. Of course, this didn't happen. It hit me at some point on Friday that I had to take urgent measures to avoid spending the evening at home feeling sorry and heartbroken.
I texted.
I updated my gchat message.
I posted on Facebook, twice.
I was striking out, running out of time and options, and preparing myself for a night in sweatpants watching crappy movies on cable when....

Jeremy, of Orange Iguanas fame, answered my prayers. He just happened to see my plea on Facebook, and texted me right away. It was like double-luck, too, considering that Jeremy is a person that I do not get to hang out with much, despite always having a great time in his company. It just never seems to pull through, even though we regularly make efforts. Extra bonus? Kevin, also of kickball fame (and a fellow Michigander!), was going to be there as well.

His text promised happy hour fun, to celebrate his girlfriend's new job. Little did I know, there was also Matchbox pizza planned for the evening.

Now, some pizza related backstory. When I first proposed my pizza eating plans, many pointed out to me that DC is not a city known for its pizza. In fact, there is a dearth of good pizza in the greater DC area. However, many cited Matchbox pizza as a shining exception to DC's bad pizza-ness, landing it near the top of my places to try first.

People, it did not disappoint.

There were three pies ordered. One pepperoni (which disappeared really quickly, and amongst comments such as "the pepperoni is so spicy and crisp!") one "Fire and Smoke," and one Margherita (ordered because I didn't realize that the Fire and Smoke was, indeed, a vegetarian pie.)

So, the basics. The crust? Great. Thin, chewy, with some nice blistering from the oven. The sauce? Fresh, chunky, and tomato-y, with great flavor, but a little heavy handed (it made the pizza just a bit more soggy than I would have liked). The cheese? We'll review this per pizza, but the fresh mozzerella on the margherita was great, and they wisely allowed it to stand on it's own (I hate places that try to mix the fresh mozz with the regular cheese. Lame, guys!). The thin strips of fresh basil were also great.

Now, as mentioned, the margherita wasn't the best pizza margherita I've ever had...it was a bit too saucy for my tastes--I don't want my pizza to be more saucy than me, ever. But the Fire and Smoke...let me describe pizza heaven to you.

This pizza comes topped with hot red peppers, garlic puree, onions, an extra spicy red sauce, and smoked gouda cheese. It is extraordinarily pungent, perfectly firey hot, and suuuuper flavorful. The smoked gouda really added an amazing flavor to the pizza, one that I'd not experienced before. The smokiness added a slightly meaty quality without it actually being meaty, and it balanced with the spice so nicely. The onions (which were, if memory serves me correctly, red onions?) were perfectly tender-crisp, and having that much garlic on a pizza shouldn't be allowed, but I'm happy it is. I would eat this pizza again and again and again. That said, I know it's not for everyone--Jeremy and Cassi, with their strong aversion to onions, were not fans. And anyone sensitive to spicy foods would have died after a bite. But for me, it was heavenly.

Anyhow, the meal was great, and it was good to be with such fun and funny friends (Kevin, please do open Shenanigans). In addition to the good food, we discussed good beer (oh Hopslam! How magical you are!) and many other things that are good. Go Orange Iguanas!


Saturday, I went salsa dancing with Steven and Irene, which was a great time. My feet really hurt by the end of the night, and despite the dancing being suuuper fun, it's a bit embarrassing on some level to be doing something that makes you feel so thoroughly uncoordinated, rhythmless, and awkward as you're learning. Sexiest dance in the world? Not when I'm doing it. But, I want to learn and get better at it, because it was really, really fun. It also puts me out of my comfort zone and shell a bit in a healthy way, I think, since I get really shy and self-conscious in crowded settings, and also get pretty uncomfortable with what I'll call "social touching." You know, the stuff that's normal, like handshakes and friendly hugs? They freak me out a little bit. Definitely can't have that though in a salsa club. I felt a bit loosened-up, socially, by the end of the night, and that's a good thing.

Now, it's off to a sushi-filled girls night with Sarah, Emily, and Alison. Look at how social I've been this weekend? It's like I'm starting over or something (please don't wince at that.)

Ch-ch-ch-changes.

A few weeks ago, I made a resolution to eat more pizza, and to revive my pizza-blogging days. Because, you know what? While everyone else can be vowing to work out more and eat better, I just want to eat happier. And for me, that means eating more pizza. The idea behind a resolution like this one was that it would encourage a certain type of socialization and companionship--there could be pizzas with friends, late-night drunken slices, and even some romantic pizzas. It seemed, too, like a good choice because Jack and I can almost always agree on pizza, even when we agree on little else.

A year of eating pizzas with Jack seems to be out of the picture at this point, however. I'm struggling to accept it, but it appears as though eating pizzas is going to need to be my way meeting new people. On dating and pizzas. On pizzas and moving on.

There were grand plans and rules laid out at first, but I've not had the energy to solidify them, lately. However, I have had the energy to be eating pizza (and mashed potatoes, and pupusas, but not all together), in trying to fill some void in my heart. Unfortunately, it's only filled my stomach, meaning my heart and stomach aren't as closely linked as I may have previously thought.

So, first I'm going to review some pizzas. Then, I'm going to try to get down some of the "rules" I had in mind. Then finally, I'm going to talk about meat (just wait, k? It will make sense, eventually.)


I have eaten pizza 3 times in the past week (yikes!). It will be 4, after my lunch of a "lean cuisine" frozen "wood-fired style" pizza margherita (300 calories, the box turns into a "crisping" stand.)

Pizza number 1.

Last Thursday was, as we all should know, the BCS championship game for college football, with the Alabama Crimson Tide thoroughly "rolling" over the Texas Longhorns. To watch this game, I went over to my dear friend Steven's place, for a "party." I'm using the scare quotes here for a reason--while people did indeed come over, it wasn't much of a football-watching party, at all. There was a lot of talk about Jersey Shore, which was airing at the same time as the game. But, I digress. I'm here trying to talk about pizza, not slightly awkward social gatherings.

Anyhow, in anticipation of a party, Steven went to Trader Joe's to stock up on snacking staples. While we mainly focused on eating nachos that evening, there were also two frozen TJ's pesto vegetable pizzas to be had. Only one was had, in the end. I ate a slice...and, well. Some of my long-held pizza believes are going to be broadcast loud and clear in this review. Hold on tight.

I think a really good pizza needs a tomato-based sauce. You can argue with me all you'd like on this, and surely, there are some tasty "white" pizzas, pesto pizzas, or "BBQ" pizzas or WHATEVER out there, but generally, those aren't what I'm looking for when I turn to pizza. So, while I generally enjoy TJ's frozen pizzas (really, they're quite good!), this pizza was not, in my opinion, a winner. The pesto and other toppings were not moist enough to keep the pizza from tasting rather dry and cardboard-y, and the pesto didn't even have a strong basil flavor--it was more spinachy, or blandly "green," than anything else. The crust, too, was a bit too thick for my liking. So, Trader Joe's, kudos on trying to be creative with your frozen pizzas, but I'll pass on this one in the future. I think maybe most others at this party would agree, since the single, small frozen pizza remained unfinished, and who's ever heard of 12 partying people not finishing a 10 inch pizza before? But, perhaps we were too focused on the nachos in the end.

Pizza number 2.

The very next evening, I was invited to go to Franklin's Restaurant in Hyattsville, MD, with Sarah and Desh, who were in the area dog-sitting for Liz Arnold (my thesis adviser.) Before I get into the meal, I should mention that Liz has the worlds most adorable (though poorly behaved) poodle-mix, named Maggie. She's about 40 pounds, with black curly fur, floppy ears, and a beard. Likely a Schnoodle, which is probably the best mix ever, I feel. Anyhow, I kind of adore Maggie. But, on to Franklin's!
Franklin's is, in concept, a very cool place. They brew their own beers, they have a fairly creative menu, and they have a freakin' toy/general store! It's like Cracker Barrel, only not awful. But here's the thing about Franklin's. Despite them having a creative menu (which usually features seasonally inspired daily specials, and somewhat classy "gastropub" fare, like fancier burgers, salads, and pizzas) I've never actually had a meal that I loved there. It's sad, but true. They have a decent number of vegetarian options, including a vegetarian chili that they're quite proud of---but it's really not tasty stuff. It's unusually bland for chili, and it's made with chickpeas, which just doesn't do it for me. They also have a concoction that they call vegetarian shepard's pie that I've never had the guts to try, since it involves the aforementioned chili put into a pie shell and coated in mashed potatoes. Having had the chili, I can't imagine this being a desirable flavor profile. Anyhow, normally I go with a veggie burger there, but, since they're quite boastful of their pizzas, and I did resolve to eat pizza this year, on this last visit, I went for a pizza.

It was amazingly bad. I say this almost woefully. I'm in a place that's trying to be all classy-pub, that has a "chef," that boasts of all their homemade goodness, and then they serve me this pizza.

The first thing I noticed after the pizza was placed before me was it's disturbing round-ness. As in, the crust was perfectly flat and circular. As in, the crust was not made in house or from scratch. It was clearly made in some factory somewhere, frozen, and shipped out. People, even chains these days can muster a "hand-tossed" dough. If I'd wanted a frozen pizza, I could have gone to Shoppers and grabbed a diGiorno for far less than 10 bucks. It goes without saying that the sauce and the cheese were equally weak and previously frozen tasting. The only remotely fresh thing about this pizza were the few scraps of fresh basil strewn across the top. Would it have been an okay pizza if I'd bought it at the grocery store? Maybe. But I didn't. And therefore, it lands in the category of one of the worst pizzas I've ever had in a sit-down restaurant--especially considering they act PROUD of this pizza! The good news is that I washed it down with few pints of their Private Eye P.A. beer, which was satisfyingly tasty. (P.S. don't ask me to review their beers, either. While plenty are decent, they irk me in their inability to describe them well on their beer menu= case in point, they describe their "bombshell blonde" as being a "kolsch style" which, in some part of the process may be true, but what you get is not at all kolsch-like.) Anyhow, Franklin's. Such a bucket of potential.


Pizza number 3.

I live in the DC metro area. Therefore, it's necessary that I review the DC hallmark pizza. Yes, I'm talking about the Jumbo Slice. An entire pizza in the form of a single slice. It's wonderful, provided you're quite drunk. And quite drunk I was on Wednesday night!

I went to Adams Morgan after work with my co-workers Matt and Brian to participate in a trivia night at the Reef (run by my friend Josh, who is also in the M.F.A. program at Maryland.) The Reef has many delicious beers on tap, and I made the mistake of keeping pace with my two male co-workers. You see, they are hearty, healthy young men, who drink beer on a relatively normal "mid-twenties American male" basis. Three beers in the span of 2.5 hours won't really faze them. I, on the other hand, do love my beer, but it really only takes a single pint for me to be a little more effervescent than normal. Three beers, and I was QUITE toasty. Since I had to work the following morning, the situation necessitated ingestion of a suitable beer-sponge, and there is none more suitable than the jumbo slice.

There were two options for a Jumbo Slice in the immediate vicinity. One was just a Pizza Bolis (local chain), and I wasn't having any of that. No, no. We went directly next door, to the perhaps-unnamed pizza joint (well, at least, I didn't see a name) marked only by their neon sign proclaiming to have the "original" jumbo slice. For a mere 5 bucks, I was in possession of a cheese slice the size of Montana. Okay, I'm exaggerating. It was maybe only the size of Colorado. The point being, it was a big wide-open space of cheese, sauce, and grease. In my state, it was pleasantly challenging to eat--you know, when you have to fight to get the food into your mouth, it sobers you up a bit. After eating for what seemed like forever, I was left stuffed beyond believe with a ball of cheese and dough and crust equivalent to at least 2 more normal sized slices of pizza. But I could eat no more. And that was fine with me.

So, bottom line. Was it good pizza? No. Not at all. But was it the perfect pizza for the moment? Absolutely.



So, now that I've reviewed my pizza adventures for this week, on to my thoughts on the rules for this resolution. I've been thinking it will work like this: in general, no pizza shall be denied. Every slice I eat will get a write up (here's looking at you, lean cuisine!). Also, no pizza shall be ingested twice before the year's end. Once I've had that particular frozen pizza, or a pizza at a particular establishment, it's out (jumbo slices may need to be exempt from this rule, since they serve a higher purpose.) This will ultimately serve to limit my pizza eating. The ultimate goal is to develop some sort of score card for each pizza, which scores their crust, sauce, cheese, texture, other components, and overall flavor, but I haven't had the energy to do this yet. Also, in hopes of making this a more social endeavor, when actual pizzerias are visited, it will need to be with friends, and multiple pizzas will need to be ordered and sampled. Each time, at least once pizza must be a "plain" cheese or margherita pizza, so that I'm able to fairly judge the pizza in its purest form. Also, if I happen to see a vegetarian topping on a menu that I've never had on a pizza before, I'll have to try it. Just so I can know, you know?


Which leaves me at my final thought on meat. I don't have a good segue into this, since I have zero interest in putting meat on the pizzas that I eat. But, even though I do not at all have any interest in eating meat, I've been feeling a bit sad lately about the international cuisines I'm missing out on. Friends are going to dim sum. Dim sum sounds beyond awesome (I love dumplings, of course, perhaps more than pizza.) Yet real, traditional dim sum is not at all veg-friendly. How can I balance my desire to try new things like beef tendon and chicken feet and countless little pork filled dumplings with my strong aversion to meat? It's hard. It really is. So I'm starting to search out the best (and most authentic--authenticity factors into my definition of best) vegetarian foods from many different types of cuisines, and searching them out in this city and others. I'll probably write about them here, as I find them.


That's all for now.

wahnsinnig

put these pieces together. this is how i've been.


point a: there are not enough long, hot baths in my life.

two: if you want to get to the "root" of probability trees, you'll discover that my co-worker is an asshat.

point b: logic is too similar to math for me to handle gracefully. i'll get the answers right on the test in the end, but only by way of magic and luck.

four: deer are terrifying. not pretty, people. terrifying. they charge at you while you're riding your bike at dusk, knock you down and then stand there laughing at you. seriously.

point c: i am wound tighter than pin curls right now.

point d-f: i miss crappy german television.

six: something keeps me procrastinating on sending a letter to the Diass family. I missed Anna's birthday. I feel horrible.

point j: the terrible secret in my life is that i don't like cupcakes. or any kind of cake, really, for that matter.