Ch-ch-ch-changes.

A few weeks ago, I made a resolution to eat more pizza, and to revive my pizza-blogging days. Because, you know what? While everyone else can be vowing to work out more and eat better, I just want to eat happier. And for me, that means eating more pizza. The idea behind a resolution like this one was that it would encourage a certain type of socialization and companionship--there could be pizzas with friends, late-night drunken slices, and even some romantic pizzas. It seemed, too, like a good choice because Jack and I can almost always agree on pizza, even when we agree on little else.

A year of eating pizzas with Jack seems to be out of the picture at this point, however. I'm struggling to accept it, but it appears as though eating pizzas is going to need to be my way meeting new people. On dating and pizzas. On pizzas and moving on.

There were grand plans and rules laid out at first, but I've not had the energy to solidify them, lately. However, I have had the energy to be eating pizza (and mashed potatoes, and pupusas, but not all together), in trying to fill some void in my heart. Unfortunately, it's only filled my stomach, meaning my heart and stomach aren't as closely linked as I may have previously thought.

So, first I'm going to review some pizzas. Then, I'm going to try to get down some of the "rules" I had in mind. Then finally, I'm going to talk about meat (just wait, k? It will make sense, eventually.)


I have eaten pizza 3 times in the past week (yikes!). It will be 4, after my lunch of a "lean cuisine" frozen "wood-fired style" pizza margherita (300 calories, the box turns into a "crisping" stand.)

Pizza number 1.

Last Thursday was, as we all should know, the BCS championship game for college football, with the Alabama Crimson Tide thoroughly "rolling" over the Texas Longhorns. To watch this game, I went over to my dear friend Steven's place, for a "party." I'm using the scare quotes here for a reason--while people did indeed come over, it wasn't much of a football-watching party, at all. There was a lot of talk about Jersey Shore, which was airing at the same time as the game. But, I digress. I'm here trying to talk about pizza, not slightly awkward social gatherings.

Anyhow, in anticipation of a party, Steven went to Trader Joe's to stock up on snacking staples. While we mainly focused on eating nachos that evening, there were also two frozen TJ's pesto vegetable pizzas to be had. Only one was had, in the end. I ate a slice...and, well. Some of my long-held pizza believes are going to be broadcast loud and clear in this review. Hold on tight.

I think a really good pizza needs a tomato-based sauce. You can argue with me all you'd like on this, and surely, there are some tasty "white" pizzas, pesto pizzas, or "BBQ" pizzas or WHATEVER out there, but generally, those aren't what I'm looking for when I turn to pizza. So, while I generally enjoy TJ's frozen pizzas (really, they're quite good!), this pizza was not, in my opinion, a winner. The pesto and other toppings were not moist enough to keep the pizza from tasting rather dry and cardboard-y, and the pesto didn't even have a strong basil flavor--it was more spinachy, or blandly "green," than anything else. The crust, too, was a bit too thick for my liking. So, Trader Joe's, kudos on trying to be creative with your frozen pizzas, but I'll pass on this one in the future. I think maybe most others at this party would agree, since the single, small frozen pizza remained unfinished, and who's ever heard of 12 partying people not finishing a 10 inch pizza before? But, perhaps we were too focused on the nachos in the end.

Pizza number 2.

The very next evening, I was invited to go to Franklin's Restaurant in Hyattsville, MD, with Sarah and Desh, who were in the area dog-sitting for Liz Arnold (my thesis adviser.) Before I get into the meal, I should mention that Liz has the worlds most adorable (though poorly behaved) poodle-mix, named Maggie. She's about 40 pounds, with black curly fur, floppy ears, and a beard. Likely a Schnoodle, which is probably the best mix ever, I feel. Anyhow, I kind of adore Maggie. But, on to Franklin's!
Franklin's is, in concept, a very cool place. They brew their own beers, they have a fairly creative menu, and they have a freakin' toy/general store! It's like Cracker Barrel, only not awful. But here's the thing about Franklin's. Despite them having a creative menu (which usually features seasonally inspired daily specials, and somewhat classy "gastropub" fare, like fancier burgers, salads, and pizzas) I've never actually had a meal that I loved there. It's sad, but true. They have a decent number of vegetarian options, including a vegetarian chili that they're quite proud of---but it's really not tasty stuff. It's unusually bland for chili, and it's made with chickpeas, which just doesn't do it for me. They also have a concoction that they call vegetarian shepard's pie that I've never had the guts to try, since it involves the aforementioned chili put into a pie shell and coated in mashed potatoes. Having had the chili, I can't imagine this being a desirable flavor profile. Anyhow, normally I go with a veggie burger there, but, since they're quite boastful of their pizzas, and I did resolve to eat pizza this year, on this last visit, I went for a pizza.

It was amazingly bad. I say this almost woefully. I'm in a place that's trying to be all classy-pub, that has a "chef," that boasts of all their homemade goodness, and then they serve me this pizza.

The first thing I noticed after the pizza was placed before me was it's disturbing round-ness. As in, the crust was perfectly flat and circular. As in, the crust was not made in house or from scratch. It was clearly made in some factory somewhere, frozen, and shipped out. People, even chains these days can muster a "hand-tossed" dough. If I'd wanted a frozen pizza, I could have gone to Shoppers and grabbed a diGiorno for far less than 10 bucks. It goes without saying that the sauce and the cheese were equally weak and previously frozen tasting. The only remotely fresh thing about this pizza were the few scraps of fresh basil strewn across the top. Would it have been an okay pizza if I'd bought it at the grocery store? Maybe. But I didn't. And therefore, it lands in the category of one of the worst pizzas I've ever had in a sit-down restaurant--especially considering they act PROUD of this pizza! The good news is that I washed it down with few pints of their Private Eye P.A. beer, which was satisfyingly tasty. (P.S. don't ask me to review their beers, either. While plenty are decent, they irk me in their inability to describe them well on their beer menu= case in point, they describe their "bombshell blonde" as being a "kolsch style" which, in some part of the process may be true, but what you get is not at all kolsch-like.) Anyhow, Franklin's. Such a bucket of potential.


Pizza number 3.

I live in the DC metro area. Therefore, it's necessary that I review the DC hallmark pizza. Yes, I'm talking about the Jumbo Slice. An entire pizza in the form of a single slice. It's wonderful, provided you're quite drunk. And quite drunk I was on Wednesday night!

I went to Adams Morgan after work with my co-workers Matt and Brian to participate in a trivia night at the Reef (run by my friend Josh, who is also in the M.F.A. program at Maryland.) The Reef has many delicious beers on tap, and I made the mistake of keeping pace with my two male co-workers. You see, they are hearty, healthy young men, who drink beer on a relatively normal "mid-twenties American male" basis. Three beers in the span of 2.5 hours won't really faze them. I, on the other hand, do love my beer, but it really only takes a single pint for me to be a little more effervescent than normal. Three beers, and I was QUITE toasty. Since I had to work the following morning, the situation necessitated ingestion of a suitable beer-sponge, and there is none more suitable than the jumbo slice.

There were two options for a Jumbo Slice in the immediate vicinity. One was just a Pizza Bolis (local chain), and I wasn't having any of that. No, no. We went directly next door, to the perhaps-unnamed pizza joint (well, at least, I didn't see a name) marked only by their neon sign proclaiming to have the "original" jumbo slice. For a mere 5 bucks, I was in possession of a cheese slice the size of Montana. Okay, I'm exaggerating. It was maybe only the size of Colorado. The point being, it was a big wide-open space of cheese, sauce, and grease. In my state, it was pleasantly challenging to eat--you know, when you have to fight to get the food into your mouth, it sobers you up a bit. After eating for what seemed like forever, I was left stuffed beyond believe with a ball of cheese and dough and crust equivalent to at least 2 more normal sized slices of pizza. But I could eat no more. And that was fine with me.

So, bottom line. Was it good pizza? No. Not at all. But was it the perfect pizza for the moment? Absolutely.



So, now that I've reviewed my pizza adventures for this week, on to my thoughts on the rules for this resolution. I've been thinking it will work like this: in general, no pizza shall be denied. Every slice I eat will get a write up (here's looking at you, lean cuisine!). Also, no pizza shall be ingested twice before the year's end. Once I've had that particular frozen pizza, or a pizza at a particular establishment, it's out (jumbo slices may need to be exempt from this rule, since they serve a higher purpose.) This will ultimately serve to limit my pizza eating. The ultimate goal is to develop some sort of score card for each pizza, which scores their crust, sauce, cheese, texture, other components, and overall flavor, but I haven't had the energy to do this yet. Also, in hopes of making this a more social endeavor, when actual pizzerias are visited, it will need to be with friends, and multiple pizzas will need to be ordered and sampled. Each time, at least once pizza must be a "plain" cheese or margherita pizza, so that I'm able to fairly judge the pizza in its purest form. Also, if I happen to see a vegetarian topping on a menu that I've never had on a pizza before, I'll have to try it. Just so I can know, you know?


Which leaves me at my final thought on meat. I don't have a good segue into this, since I have zero interest in putting meat on the pizzas that I eat. But, even though I do not at all have any interest in eating meat, I've been feeling a bit sad lately about the international cuisines I'm missing out on. Friends are going to dim sum. Dim sum sounds beyond awesome (I love dumplings, of course, perhaps more than pizza.) Yet real, traditional dim sum is not at all veg-friendly. How can I balance my desire to try new things like beef tendon and chicken feet and countless little pork filled dumplings with my strong aversion to meat? It's hard. It really is. So I'm starting to search out the best (and most authentic--authenticity factors into my definition of best) vegetarian foods from many different types of cuisines, and searching them out in this city and others. I'll probably write about them here, as I find them.


That's all for now.